How to Resign From Your Job and Leave On Good Terms
The path towards a favourable and peaceful resignation
Ending a relationship is never easy, whether it is a friendship, romance, or job. We are good at being human, or Homo Puppies as the Dutch historian Rutger Bregman suggests. When it comes to our professional relationships, we tend to sway away from our natural human instincts.
This behaviour may cause the resignation process to be negative and way more challenging than it needs to be.
10 rules to live by (from Humankind)
- When in doubt, assume the best
- Think in win-win scenarios
- Ask more questions
- Temper your empathy, train your compassion
- Try to understand the other, even if you don’t get where they are coming from
- Love your own as others love their own
- Avoid the news
- Don’t punch the Nazis
- Come out of the closet: Don’t be ashamed to do good
- Be realistic
Introduction
I’ve been fortunate to have a great career gaining valuable experience while building solid relationships. We tend to neglect relationships, focused more on our technical expertise. We need to challenge this, as it is easier to mend a relationship with a long lost technology than a person.
The stereotype plaguing developers being “anti-social creatures that should be left alone with their machines in the basement” evolved rapidly in the past decade. The mainstream movement of development and the influence of Agile have compelled us to become more social.
You might be in a position where you have been considering your options for a while. Unsure how to go about it. I’m hoping this story can help you with the journey.
Motivation
Throughout my career, I’ve been exposed to many situations when it comes to resignations. I find this fascinating, especially the way people tackle it. Based on my experience, it is common to treat resignations as bad relationships. Emotion clouds logic, making it turn nasty and vindictive.
Common Resignation Paths
When you reach a point where you are seriously considering your options, it is not always easy to choose the best path.
Path 1 — Playing poker
Tony is not willing to leave the company as he is stuck in his comfort zone, but he convinces himself that it will change as soon as he finds the ideal job. His underlying intention is to find an opportunity that he can use as leverage to negotiate a counter-offer. He is actively looking on the job market, but not confident enough to disclose it to anyone nor to commit. He still assumes his normal responsibilities at the office and acts optimistic about the company’s future while seeking greener pastures on the side.
The technology industry is desperately looking for skills so Tony has a solid chance of finding such an opportunity, albeit at a potential cost.
The good: Tony will be able to gauge his market relevance in terms of salary, skillset, benefits, etc. This will most likely influence him to up-skill in certain areas and ultimately grow.
The bad: Tony risks his reputation at his current employer and potential future employers. The recruitment process is intense for all parties involved. When a candidate reaches the offer stage and backs out due to a counter-offer, it leaves a scar.
Summary: Accepting a counter-offer should be avoided by the employee and employer if possible. The salary increase isn’t always enough to overcome the problems that made Tony want to look for other opportunities in the first place. It might buy some time, but more often than not ends in the same situation.
Path 2 — Handing in your badge
Sandy starts the job hunt on the side with the hope that she’ll find something more suitable. In contrast to Tony, she is committed to leaving with immediate effect. Identifying the right opportunity when you are ready for the change demands a lot of energy and careful deliberation. She is likely to find multiple options and needs to ensure she has enough time and energy to immerse herself.
She plans to resign on the spot with no room to negotiate, probably by reciting some scene from a movie where she hands her laptop and keys in with dramatic effect. She understands her position and decided that the only way forward is immediate change.
The good: Sandy could potentially find her dream job and transition seamlessly. The time off will help her adjust to the challenge ahead. She’ll have the time to focus on meeting the market’s demands and carefully assess potential opportunities.
The bad: Resigning on the spot puts the company in an awkward (and somewhat unfair) position, as they will feel blindsided. Not having the opportunity to address some of Sandy’s concerns, before she came to the decision, could harm her relationship with the company and the team’s morale. If Sandy planned for this carefully enough she’ll allow herself at least 3 months to find the next opportunity, and if she hadn’t she might find herself in a very desperate situation that leads to an even worse position.
Summary: This is often a decision made on emotion rather than logic. Ensure that you have carefully thought about the potential implications before acting too quickly. Sometimes you can’t see any other options. Just give yourself enough time to figure it out before pulling the trigger, as this path will burn a bridge.
Path 3 — Human-being
John has been vocal about his concerns for a while now and tried multiple things to improve the situation. Unfortunately, it reached a point where he could no longer see a positive outcome and decided to call it. John formally announces his resignation by clearly articulating his reasoning.
John opened the door for an honest conversation with his employer. The objective is to negotiate the best way forward. John agrees to an exit timeline of 3 months to complete the projects he’s currently working on, close some loops, and do a proper handover.
The good: John’s superiors will almost certainly appreciate his transparency, and that will persuade them to make the transition as pleasant and effective as possible. His colleagues will appreciate this the most as they won’t feel like being abandoned. It allows everyone to identify the gaps and ensure that when he leaves, everything is covered. It is also likely that the company will give John some space to find his next opportunity.
The bad: After the announcement, the dynamic might become a bit awkward, especially for the first week. The company might decide to keep John’s decision under the radar for a while and only disclose it to a select few. It means that John will have to navigate conversations and commitments carefully to prevent causing distress.
Summary: We always deal with humans, which we sometimes neglect in a professional setting. There is a reason why you find yourself in this position where you are convinced about your decision. That is not enough reason to consider the other options. Allow yourself to be more human.
My Personal Experience
I have only resigned 3-times in my career — and maybe I just got lucky. On each occasion, I leaned towards the human approach. And it worked out. Somewhat ironically, all my resignations have been positive milestones of my career.
Resignation 1 — My first job
I started my career at a company where we built and supported an in-house claims management system for the insurance industry. It was a great environment where we were the A-team. Everything I could’ve wished for as my introduction to the world of development. However, within the first year, my opinion changed.
I reached the ceiling of what the company had to offer in the learning curve, mentorship, and potential growth. In a short period at the company, I managed to overtake their most senior developers in technical skills and in their knowledge of the system; that they built.
Had I been more arrogant, I would’ve accepted that it was purely because of how good I was, but that was not true. The other developers neglected to keep up with the curve. Too focused on the demands of the company and not focused enough on personal growth. Allowing their energy to become depleted and accepting their fate into a steady decline.
I formally announced my departure, backed with a detailed assessment of my reasoning. The company accepted it gracefully and offered me a raise on the spot with no obligation to stay. It was an act of good faith and allowed me to search for the next opportunity in a higher income bracket.
We reached an amicable agreement. I could stay until I find the next opportunity or until they find a suitable replacement. They gave me the space I needed to fully engage with the recruitment process and involved me in the recruitment process of my replacement.
Resignation 2 — The great run
I worked at this company for 8 years, which at the time was almost 30% of my life. Playing a critical role in a small team comes with a lot of responsibility, but it also accelerates the rate at which you’ll need to grow and learn. This set me up for a career trajectory that I never could have imagined and which I’m very grateful for.
Unfortunately, I reached a point where my passion for the company started to degrade and it felt like I wasn’t motivated enough anymore. In the last 2 years, I worked actively on trying to reignite the passion and it helped, but not enough. I realised that I had to make a decision.
I notified the company about my intent to resign and committed myself to, once again, make it as beneficial as possible. Soon after the announcement, I had a long session with the CEO to discuss the situation and come up with an action plan forward.
Having been with the company for so long meant that I have gained a huge amount of tacit knowledge about the platform, the ecosystem, and the technologies. For the last few months leading up to my exit, I focused on unpacking this information.
The final project I embarked on was to do a full audit of the platform, covering everything in as much detail as possible. Highlighting areas that need attention and elaborating on potential approaches. During this time I also focused on documenting how-to guides for almost everything I dealt with.
They appreciated my commitment and my relationship with the company and my colleagues is still very solid.
Resignation 3 — The quick call
At this point, I decided to move to the Netherlands. I found a company that resonated with my ideals, convinced that this will be my journey for the foreseeable future. Unfortunately, it is not always easy to judge and I concluded that I had to make a decision. Option (a) continue with the position even though I can’t see a happy future or (b) call it early and risk deportation in 3-months.
Against my better judgment, and the advice from family and friends, I opted for option B. I’ve only been with the company for 3-weeks, so it was very early in the game. I decided to trust my instinct and announce my resignation.
I strongly leaned towards the most positive route and committed to set the company up for a successful transition after my departure. Confident that I will have a positive impact, even in a very short time, I engaged with a project to introduce and integrate a modern framework into their existing ecosystem.
The team adopted this new direction and they are now in a much better position than before I joined.
In closing
This story based on my experiences and your situation could be a lot different. However, if you choose to give people the benefit of the doubt you will most likely be positively surprised by how they react.
